Past: Gone by in time and no longer exist.
Everyone’s past is different. Everyone’s past is what makes them who they are. It builds them or breaks them. Honestly, I use to struggle with making peace or accepting the things that God had removed me from. I never paid attention to the signs that He constantly showed me, not until I was in too deep. Deep with my emotions and deep with attachment.
And I must admit, dealing with several things and people that were not meant for me, changed me. I had become toxic. I was toxic to so many people and myself. My attitude was terrible. I was angry. I was depressed. I was negative. I cried all of the time. I gossiped so much, because I wanted to view people in such a negative light because I viewed myself terribly. Felt extremely lonely. And I had remained that way until last summer. I never looked in mirror and reflected upon myself, I had always blamed my hurt onto others when in reality, I had played a major role in my pain.
I let people hurt me and mistreat me because I did not value myself. I did not love myself the way I should have. I did not see what God saw in me when He created me. So eventually, when I was isolated and had no choice but to make my way back to God, I really did a deep soul search within myself.
“Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? There it is! I’m making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands.” Isaiah 43:18-19
I was only leading up to my elevation. God knew I had hurt long enough, He knew I wanted to make myself better, He knew that I was ready for what He had planned for me when I no longer fought to keep the things that did not want to keep me. But, I must say, somedays I do not know how I overcame all that I have. I do not know how I survived and how I lived. But, ending my life was not in God’s plans for me. I have seen the darkest days in my life, at only such a young age, so when the sun had finally decided to strike through and stay… my life began to flourish.
“This is what God says, the God who builds a road right through the ocean, who carves a path through pounding waves.” Isaiah 43:16
We belong to a God who makes a way out of no way. A God who loves us and will always love us unconditionally, wholeheartedly, and forever. I never thought my life could be as beautiful as it is now. If you could of asked me my view on life three years ago or last year, my response would have been bitter and angry. But, if I am asked now, I am grateful for feeling what I did because it built me to who I am now.
If it was not for the struggle, I would not have the strength. God is always building you, even when it seems like He’s breaking you.
Every step that you take, every decision that you make, it creates your path and builds your life. Sometimes, I just wish that I had not stayed in some situations as long as I did. I wish that I did not allow others to treat me the way they did. I wish I valued you myself way more than I did. But, I learned and I have grown. And now I live differently, I move differently, and I see things differently.
God protects me. He loves me. He wants me to fulfill the potential that I am destined to be. He knows that I am beautiful, I am strong, I am a warrior, no matter what I went through. No matter who turned that back on me. No matter who still has the same poor impression of me. No matter who I have hurt and wronged. He loves me and still remains by my side despite it all.
So, it is okay making mistakes. It is natural to wrong people without intentions to doing so. But, please, do not be that person who hurts people because you have been hurt. Be the person who still loves and loves strongly even when you have been hurt. Spread love. Spread forgiveness. Apologize. And continue to move forward.
Make gold out of your pain.